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London, ca 1860
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It could not be helped, the younger generations demand a written outlet. We have provded here a grab of short texts documenting the famous Urchin Patrol en their heroic deeds. The editors of this magazine would like to express their utter uninvolvement in the actual events described in these pages. Inquiries related to ongoing cases should be taken up with constable Jones.
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Stalled
 rchins are normally innocent although energetic
criminals. They see every piece of food as their future property and and
mischief as their personal calling. Urchins are young, ranging from 5 to about
12 years of age. Mostly the adults tolerate them and see them as a source of
entertainment. Some of the little ones have parents, some do not. The older ones
have been on their own for years even if they still have parents. It is sad to
see these children start innocently and end up either bitter, broken or quite
simply, dead. When a troupe of urchins invades an area the adults either become
vigilant or relax. One or two of the children are leaders, the rest are innocent
followers. When the leaders aren't around the adults relax. If however a
commanding little tike is spotted the grown ups bar their windows, close and
bold their doors and prepare for the worst. One such nightmare we've already
seen and is called Julius, the urchin emperor. He looks just like the others,
filthy and ready to commit mischief. This one, this tiny spot of bother is
different. He peers out into the world from under a torn cap and thinks he looks
bigger and bolder with that piece of cloth on his head. A clever one he is and
resourceful as well. If there ever was a future Moriarty then Julius would be
his original name. Come to think of it we do not know Julius's actual name.
Quite a common thing with urchins. They take on names of people they admire or
people they meet randomly. One wanted to call himself Nelson, but was
quickly ridiculed by Julius when he told the little boy that Nelson was killed
and shipped back to England in a barrel of brandy. Full of disgust the boy chose
to use Bob instead and Julius was still the all ruling admiral.
Continue reading "Stalled" »
Julius
 ven amongst small children you can find sentiments of camaraderie, fierce
loyalty, arch enemies and any kind of social interaction you would expect from
adults. And then there is Julius. Julius, who's full name is Julius Struthers,
is a small kid with large ambitions. He rallies the urchins around him,
organizes them in small armies and in general treats them as his personal
arsenal of mayhem. The boy is good, he knows how to lead even though he's only
10 years old. True, he operates his improvised army on rations of candy and
promises of anything an urchin's little mind can conceive. And more. Fame and
fortune means nothing to these scrawny dirty roaches. Food they need, alcohol
they prefer and in between they like to cause trouble from one end of Fleet
Street to the other. Julius is their trouble master and they trust him to
organize the most splendid mischief this side of London has ever seen. And he
does. His plans are elaborate. Some of the stunts pulled would make professor
Moriarty blush and leave Holmes in total despair at home sucking his pipe.
Julius understands the power of a pack of urchins behaving as urchins do. If you
were to spot a man leaning against a lamppost head ducked deep in the collar of
his coat, staring at a shop window, you would draw the conclusion that this man
is up to no good. Seeing an urchin do the same thing you would perhaps draw the
same conclusion that the little tike is up to no good, and you would be right. But
that's expected from them and that's where Julius came in.
Continue reading "Julius" »
The Long Lost Urchins
News has reached us that urchins Harry and Timmy have returned from their
stowaway voyage with circus Sarasini. For a detail account of their successful
boarding of the ocean bound vessel, we refer to the article entitled:
'A Full Head of Steam'. As you may recall, a while ago, the two had sneaked
onto a loading ocean liner with final destination New York City. What has
transpired on board ship and across the Atlantic we can only guess. From the available
news we can only deduce that both have safely returned home to their parents and have not
had time (or occasion) to relate their adventures to their fellow urchins. Rest
assured, when those two start talking we will provide a full report of their
adventures. Rumor has it that Timmy lost part of his ear, but until this is
confirmed via visual inspection we can only label the information as gossip.
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Dr. Faustus
Nothing entertains urchins as much as the visit by a magician. Many of these
professional manipulators have made their way through the streets of London,
and all of them had glorious references from the best universities. Universities
of whom nobody had ever heard. But that was to be expected, because what self respecting
institute of higher learning would admit the teaching of deceptive arts? Today
we had the fortune, or rather misfortune of having received a visit by a
illusionist with the rather trite name of Dr. Faustus. A quack maybe, but at least
the man was somewhat literate. He posted himself at the center of our little
square and started proclaiming the grandeur of his talents, all the while
pulling the thing ends of his massive moustaches. Adults were too busy
but the loud exclamations attracted an army or urchins. Again a sign that the man
was not too bright because urchins have no money to hand over and the little they
may have is kept carefully guarded.
Continue reading "Dr. Faustus" »
An Eye for an Eye
As we discovered yesterday, Barker the local cabdriver had lost his glass eye whilst having a conversation with the rear end of his horse. Chances are the orb dropped down one of the sewer grates and is now being examined by a horde or rats. It can even be imagined that the rodents use the object to become more familiar with human anatomy. Harry, who first told me about the incident has apparently tried to sell the cabdriver a replacement using a badly damaged substitute, claiming that the eye had rolled under the wheels of a crossing carriage. Harry obtained the replacement eye from the same pawn shop as where the original was purchased, but for a much lesser price than the original, hoping to make a reasonable profit. What Harry had not counted on, was the cabbie's pragmatic approach to his countenance and one could hear Barker from far away yelling at Harry how he would not pay for an object that made no difference to the quality of his vision. The poor urchin was harangued to such a point that all the little kid could do was slap the backside of Barker's horse, which made it pelt down Fleet Street. For the next couple of days Harry will not be seen around our community as he told me immediately after the incident.
A Sight for Sore Eyes
This just in: urchin Harry asked me to inform you all that Barker (who owns the cab that's always just outside the alcove) has lost his glass eye. He said he still had it this morning as he was getting the horse ready. The horse was not at all in a cooperative mood and moved his bloomin arse back into the poor cabbie, who found himself squashed against his own cab. Upon getting out of the way of the animal's backside he must have made a dash of too great a magnitute to keep his glass eye in its socket and subsequently heard it clatter and bounce down the street. Barker had bought the piece at a pawnshop a month ago and found that it was a size too small, making the thing wobble in all directions regardless of the wishes of its owner. If you've found the eye, please drop it off at the watch store or next door at Welder's wine shop. We will get it back to Barker as soon as possible.
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Stalled
rchins are normally innocent although energetic
criminals. They see every piece of food as their future property and and
mischief as their personal calling. Urchins are young, ranging from 5 to about
12 years of age. Mostly the adults tolerate them and see them as a source of
entertainment. Some of the little ones have parents, some do not. The older ones
have been on their own for years even if they still have parents. It is sad to
see these children start innocently and end up either bitter, broken or quite
simply, dead. When a troupe of urchins invades an area the adults either become
vigilant or relax. One or two of the children are leaders, the rest are innocent
followers. When the leaders aren't around the adults relax. If however a
commanding little tike is spotted the grown ups bar their windows, close and
bold their doors and prepare for the worst. One such nightmare we've already
seen and is called Julius, the urchin emperor. He looks just like the others,
filthy and ready to commit mischief. This one, this tiny spot of bother is
different. He peers out into the world from under a torn cap and thinks he looks
bigger and bolder with that piece of cloth on his head. A clever one he is and
resourceful as well. If there ever was a future Moriarty then Julius would be
his original name. Come to think of it we do not know Julius's actual name.
Quite a common thing with urchins. They take on names of people they admire or
people they meet randomly. One wanted to call himself Nelson, but was
quickly ridiculed by Julius when he told the little boy that Nelson was killed
and shipped back to England in a barrel of brandy. Full of disgust the boy chose
to use Bob instead and Julius was still the all ruling admiral.
Continue reading "Stalled" »
Julius
ven amongst small children you can find sentiments of camaraderie, fierce
loyalty, arch enemies and any kind of social interaction you would expect from
adults. And then there is Julius. Julius, who's full name is Julius Struthers,
is a small kid with large ambitions. He rallies the urchins around him,
organizes them in small armies and in general treats them as his personal
arsenal of mayhem. The boy is good, he knows how to lead even though he's only
10 years old. True, he operates his improvised army on rations of candy and
promises of anything an urchin's little mind can conceive. And more. Fame and
fortune means nothing to these scrawny dirty roaches. Food they need, alcohol
they prefer and in between they like to cause trouble from one end of Fleet
Street to the other. Julius is their trouble master and they trust him to
organize the most splendid mischief this side of London has ever seen. And he
does. His plans are elaborate. Some of the stunts pulled would make professor
Moriarty blush and leave Holmes in total despair at home sucking his pipe.
Julius understands the power of a pack of urchins behaving as urchins do. If you
were to spot a man leaning against a lamppost head ducked deep in the collar of
his coat, staring at a shop window, you would draw the conclusion that this man
is up to no good. Seeing an urchin do the same thing you would perhaps draw the
same conclusion that the little tike is up to no good, and you would be right. But
that's expected from them and that's where Julius came in.
Continue reading "Julius" »
The Long Lost Urchins
News has reached us that urchins Harry and Timmy have returned from their
stowaway voyage with circus Sarasini. For a detail account of their successful
boarding of the ocean bound vessel, we refer to the article entitled:
'A Full Head of Steam'. As you may recall, a while ago, the two had sneaked
onto a loading ocean liner with final destination New York City. What has
transpired on board ship and across the Atlantic we can only guess. From the available
news we can only deduce that both have safely returned home to their parents and have not
had time (or occasion) to relate their adventures to their fellow urchins. Rest
assured, when those two start talking we will provide a full report of their
adventures. Rumor has it that Timmy lost part of his ear, but until this is
confirmed via visual inspection we can only label the information as gossip.
Dr. Faustus
Nothing entertains urchins as much as the visit by a magician. Many of these
professional manipulators have made their way through the streets of London,
and all of them had glorious references from the best universities. Universities
of whom nobody had ever heard. But that was to be expected, because what self respecting
institute of higher learning would admit the teaching of deceptive arts? Today
we had the fortune, or rather misfortune of having received a visit by a
illusionist with the rather trite name of Dr. Faustus. A quack maybe, but at least
the man was somewhat literate. He posted himself at the center of our little
square and started proclaiming the grandeur of his talents, all the while
pulling the thing ends of his massive moustaches. Adults were too busy
but the loud exclamations attracted an army or urchins. Again a sign that the man
was not too bright because urchins have no money to hand over and the little they
may have is kept carefully guarded.
Continue reading "Dr. Faustus" »
An Eye for an Eye
As we discovered yesterday, Barker the local cabdriver had lost his glass eye whilst having a conversation with the rear end of his horse. Chances are the orb dropped down one of the sewer grates and is now being examined by a horde or rats. It can even be imagined that the rodents use the object to become more familiar with human anatomy. Harry, who first told me about the incident has apparently tried to sell the cabdriver a replacement using a badly damaged substitute, claiming that the eye had rolled under the wheels of a crossing carriage. Harry obtained the replacement eye from the same pawn shop as where the original was purchased, but for a much lesser price than the original, hoping to make a reasonable profit. What Harry had not counted on, was the cabbie's pragmatic approach to his countenance and one could hear Barker from far away yelling at Harry how he would not pay for an object that made no difference to the quality of his vision. The poor urchin was harangued to such a point that all the little kid could do was slap the backside of Barker's horse, which made it pelt down Fleet Street. For the next couple of days Harry will not be seen around our community as he told me immediately after the incident.
A Sight for Sore Eyes
This just in: urchin Harry asked me to inform you all that Barker (who owns the cab that's always just outside the alcove) has lost his glass eye. He said he still had it this morning as he was getting the horse ready. The horse was not at all in a cooperative mood and moved his bloomin arse back into the poor cabbie, who found himself squashed against his own cab. Upon getting out of the way of the animal's backside he must have made a dash of too great a magnitute to keep his glass eye in its socket and subsequently heard it clatter and bounce down the street. Barker had bought the piece at a pawnshop a month ago and found that it was a size too small, making the thing wobble in all directions regardless of the wishes of its owner. If you've found the eye, please drop it off at the watch store or next door at Welder's wine shop. We will get it back to Barker as soon as possible.
Terra Incognita
If you had the misfortune to walk by the entrance to our little alcove community
on a Sunday afternoon, you would not find much peace there, nor safety for that
matter. Most weekends, mainly during the summer, the center of our square is
inhabited by screaming urchins of various make and mold. The objects of their
excitement are three large elm trees that can be found in a small greenish area
at the center of our square. Each Sunday those trees vanished and in their place
appear three tall sailing ships: the Niña, the Pinta, and
the Santa Maria. Under the able command of Captain Sebastian, the honorable
Captain Roddy
and Admiral Steve, new lands are explored and added to the imaginary map of the
urchin world, an exact
copy of which can be found on one of the walls of Meyer's bookstore.
Continue reading "Terra Incognita" »
Olivia Regina
Right outside the store and in the bleedingly cold February frost I could see a
small crowd of urchins huddling around something or someone. Accompanying the
sight were many children's voices shouting and yelling. All this I saw through the
half frosted store
windows, which I had cleaned of ice curtains not two hours before. Seeing this
urchin spectacle made me wonder what or whom the target of all this commotion
was. I put down my cleaning tools I was using to prepare a clock that had just
come in before it was sent to the back for inspection by Mr. Hubbard. As I
entered our square putting on my thick overcoat I noticed more urchins coming in
from Fleet Street to watch the activities. It wasn't easy to get to the
epicenter of the ongoing urchin turmoil and I had to shove Julian aside before I
could see what was going on.
Continue reading "Olivia Regina" »
Pushing Peelers
A favorite past time of urchins across the Her Majesty's country is
fooling the peelers. London's police officers pride themselves on being the best
in the country and that makes them prime targets for urchin mischief. Various
games revolving around staged crimes have kept these street kids busy while they
should be making themselves useful in the local workhouses. I myself have on
occasion 'pushed a peeler' as we called the activity of bending the strong arm
of the law. One such elaborate setup occurred not hours ago and right in front
of the store. This particular mishap involved a large number of urchins who
pulled off an elaborate scheme that went something like this:
Continue reading "Pushing Peelers" »
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Thought of the moment:
For as this appalling ocean surrounds the verdant land, so in the soul of man there lies one insular Tahiti, full of peace and joy, but encompassed by all the horrors of the half known life. God keep thee! Push not off from that isle, thou canst never return!
-- Herman Melville
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With a Supplement, Fivepence
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The Critical Times is a work of fiction. Many of the characters are inspired by
historical figures; others are entirely imaginary creations of the author's.
Apart from the historical figures, any resemblance betgween these fictional
characters and actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
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