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London, ca 1860
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Barrel of Laughs

This afternoon as I was trying to tell old Mrs. Burrows that her watch was not ready yet and needed further repair, I was disturbed by the loud noise of barrels being rolled out of Welder's shop. Normally his inventory arrived in the alley behind the store and was rolled into his supply room, from where it was distributed amongst the various shelves. Most of the bottles Welder sold were not on display in the store but were ordered directly by the case and waited in the store room for their future owners. Welder would also store several barrels there of either Port or other wine that was normally kept in barrels and not in bottles. The barrels would then go to court or the various gentlemen's clubs. Empty barrels would be picked up regularly and replaced with full ones. Usually the empty casks were sent back to the wineries or sold to the various public houses where they would hold liquid of a baser kind.

Along with the clattering of metal and wood on stone a large number of urchins chimed in and together created the most horrible racket. They must have been given three of the empty caskets out of Welder's supply room. In between the shouting the only thing I could make out was: "We need soap Mike, lots of soap". Luckily the lot rolled their trophies directly out of our square and round the corner of Fleet Street, taking the noise with them.

Mrs. Burrows who is extremely deaf had not noticed anything going on outside the store and was looking at me quite angry since it must have appeared to her I had not paid any attention to her inquiries. That day more such customers came through the store. Some bringing wall clocks that did not chime anymore, others picking up delicate time pieces Mr. Hubbard had been working on.

Roughly around 4 in the afternoon the whole lot of urchins came back and brought with them the three barrels, which they proceeded to roll back into Welder's store. This time however the urchins themselves were much quieter and appeared to be completely soaked. There was nobody in the store at the moment and I decided to see what was going on. Having delivered their barrels the gang of urchins appeared out of the store and before I could grab one of them to ask what they had been up to they ran off. Filled with curiosity I walked over to Welder who was now standing in the door of his store. "Excuse me but what did these children do with your barrels?", I asked. "Looks like fun doesn't it", replied Welder as if the urchin's activities were public knowledge. "I'm sorry but I do not know what you speak of", I said getting more curious. "Ah I keep forgetting you haven't lived here for very long and you used to live in a different part of the city am I right? Different gang of urchins. Most likely less inventive. We have the good ones here we do." Welder was smiling proudly at me. I did not say anything waiting for an explanation which I assumed was forthcoming.

"Usually once a month I take the barrels I get back from the Reform Club on Pall Mall and make them available to the local urchins before I give them to Mrs. Miggs. No idea what she does with them but I'm sure she doesn't put beer in them because her beer doesn't taste like anything that came out of a barrel.", continued Welder. "Then what do they do with them?", I asked. "They take the barrels and roll them to one of the wharfs, not sure which one. There they soap the bottoms of these wooden contraptions and slide down one of the shipyard's loading ramps, which explains why they come back soaked because you can't steer these things you see. It is great fun. The barrels usually don't make it all the way down standing up and end up rolling with great speed towards the water", said Welder now definitely in a good mood. Welder gazed into the distance mumbling: "Reminds me of the stunts I used to play when I was young. Oh it's all quite harmless, they never really get hurt and the soap washes off quite easily. Besides Mrs. Miggs could use some soap in her barrels."

I left Welder standing outside his shop dreaming of his childhood and returned to find Mrs. Burrows had returned enquiring if her watch had been repaired yet.

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Thought of the moment:
When Russia declared war against Turkey in 1877, Queen Victoria wrote; "Oh, if the Queen were a man, she would like to go and give those horrid Russians such a beating."
-- Queen Victoria
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The Critical Times is a work of fiction. Many of the characters are inspired by historical figures; others are entirely imaginary creations of the author's. Apart from the historical figures, any resemblance betgween these fictional characters and actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.


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